Vacation

well, yesterday we started vacation. It is supposed to be a fun time for us to spend time together, and have a good time, but there is this cloud hanging over us. It is hard to have a good time when you are greiving.

Then I am having all these anger issues. I am so mad at my baby boy Brad, and I don't know what to do about it. You see, it seems he shut the door on the car, and then forgot daisey was in there. I know he thought dh was going to take her, and I KNOW he would never hurt her on purpose, but his thoughtlessness cost her her life.

We are very careful not to blame him. I don't want my 9 year old to go through life with that kind of guilt. I told him I know he would not hurt her on purpose, and it was a horrible accident. I really hope this teaches him to think about his actions. I love him so much, yet I am finding my self having feelings of anger. I hope this is just part of the griveing process, and I am very careful what I say around him.

There are so many what-ifs too. There is no sense in thinking about them, it won't change any thing. I just wish I could get them out of my head.

I havent taken a single picture of anything so far. I will regret it if I don't maybe I should pull the camera out now.

We are at BIL's house, I still need to unpack, so more later.

Does this blog seem kind of dark to you? I guess that is just the way I am feeling, hopefully the sun will shine tomorrow.