Oh Yay

Today I get to see my loveable 9 year old. I haven't really "seen" him in almost 3 weeks! 3 weeks ago, I was on a work stretch and my mom took him. Then my sister wanted him for a couple of weeks before school started. (She lives 6 hours away) So he went there, and I couldn't see him on my 8 days off. It was really lonely. He came home saturday, and I saw him for maybe 10 minutes at my friends-- they were having a BBQ, and my parents went to it, I stopped in before work. (on another 6 day stretch). Then yesterday, my dad brought my car to me (it had a flat at work, and he fixed it for me, and drove it back to my house, he is so sweet) and Brad came in for 5 minutes to say hi to the dog. (uh, remember me, your mother?)
So last night was my last night on my work stretch, and now I am off for 8 days-- yippee! I really missed him!!!!

Dh is in California doing some work for his sister. She is paying really well, and he gets a good visit out of it, but man-- we need him! I don't like shipping off ds to grandma's, he wants to be home, I had to mow the lawn (horrors) and ended up with 2 blisters to boot. So I guess I kind of miss him too. :D
It will be worth it when he gets home. ;)
So anyway, dh doesn't come home until next monday, he has been gone since august 2nd. I sure miss my little boy though, can't wait for him to get out of school today!

So I was talking with a co-worker last night

and we were talking about depression, or not necessarily depression, but the lack of motivation we feel to do anything. That is me right now. That was her a month ago. She went and got some cymbaltya, (or how ever you spell it) and she said "now i go out on the patio in the morning, and drink my coffee, the world is wonderful" She no longer has those days where you just would rather spend them in bed (me) and has ambition to get things done. I think I must try this! I hate meds-- I have trouble taking my thyroid every day because I am just not a pill taker, but I am thinking, I need to do something. :D

On another note, I did 2 layouts for my dt CX, and loved one, hated the other! why can you scrap a really great page, and turn around and scrap a crappy one after it? I guess I only have enough muse for one, lol. Here is the one I did for this months assignment-- (shhhhh, sneak peak, lol)

And here is another one I really really liked, but it was a total case layout-- but I am not submitting it anywhere, so who cares?

The blue one is for my dt, the pink for me. :D

The scrappy world-- don't steal.

ok, I am a very outspoken person. Two of my friends (that I know of, there is probably more) had their scrappy images down right stolen off their blogs, and uploaded into a DT gallery , claiming it was her own work. Now I have taken it upon myself to expose this lady. Is that bad? Other people knew it, but no one wants to say anything for some reason. Not me, I will call you out. Does that make me a bitch?

I am really a kind person that believes everything you tell me unless there is something to the contrarey. (see pervious post on blog) but if I feel passionate about something, I can blurt things out, ad people may take them the wrong way-- but do know I do have a kind heart, lol.

ok, back to the topic at hand. I just don't understand these people. why do they do it? "Steal" other peoples work? I don't get it. Here is a post I posted on 2peas (cause I know lots of people go there-- and I am sure there are others besides these 2), so tell me what you think-- did I step over the line cause it wasn't my work? These are my fellow DT friends, and I just heart them. :D Oh, and I posted at the giraffe site too, but I am sure they will delete it.
Here is the link.
http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/mb.asp?cmd=display&thread_id=2337631

Rockin Girl Blogger

ok, Lisa Peppers tagged me, so I will post, and then go find some people to tag. :D If you have been tagged, here are the rules:
Here's the deal: post the rules,1. each person tagged must post 8 random(... hopefully interesting) facts about themselves2. those tagged should write a blog post of these facts3. at the end of the post, 8 more bloggers are tagged and named4. go to their blog and leave a comment telling them they're tagged.So here it goes.

Random Facts:

1. I am very loud. Sometimes I have to catch myself, and tone my voice down if I get to excited. I was the only one in the 2nd grade play that didn't need a microphone for the play. (yep, loud as a kid too) ;D

2. I had a gastric bypass in 2001. Now you would never know it to look at me, lol, I lost weight, but have gained most of it back. I wouldn't reccomend it for anyone unless you are over 500 pounds. I now have problems with a burned out thyroid (I think it is because my body was in starvation mode for so long) I am anemic (can't absorb iron as well) I am latose intolerant (bypass again), and sometimes after I eat, I just don't feel good. all directly related. And I am still fat-- life is not fair!!

3. I sometimes regret my career decision. It can be very stressful sometimes

4. Along those same lines, sometimes I feel like quitting my job I have now, and just go back to bedside nursing- but I don't know if I could physically do it anymore, lots of lifting, using your knees- which mine are bad. (that may be excuses too, dunno)

5. I have a problem with money. I spend it to freely, doesn't matter if I actually have any, lol. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants- I pay my bills, but I don't have a system, so I may miss some, and catch them the next month.

6. In case you couldn't tell by the last post-- I am unorganized! I have been trying to de-clutter my self- house, scrappy room, but I tend to keep adding instead of taking away. oh well, at least I find a home for everything-- even if I forget where it is at times. I even rebuy things I can't find- then I find them. :D

7. I am to trusting. I don't know if that is good or bad. I always do what I say I am going to do, and I expect other people to be the same way. I hate it when people are late, or don't do what they say. I trust they will. I have been taken a few times because of this. People see it as a sign of weakness, and take advantage of you. I don't like that. My dad is the same way, and I can't tell you how many people have ripped him off- makes me mad. He just lets it go, but I hae a hard time doing that.

8. I hate confrontation. I will do it if I absolutely have to, but I get all sweaty, anxious, and it is sometimes hard to speak up for myself because of it. ei yi yi. :D

Ton to do today, no ambition. ;D

yea, so I have laundry, need to go to my moms, grocery shopping, and all I want to do is veg!


Today is the call day for MMM (i think) or at least they have decided. Not expecting any calls, but I like t watch the speculation at 2peas, its funn. :D


Anyone order from QVC yesterday? It was craft day, and I stayed away-- I am to much of an impulse buyer-- no way! Probably saved my self a couple of hundred bucks, lol.





So I went to Utah this weekend for a crop-- so much fun! I just wis it wasn't so far away. I got to meet Teri, and Jen G, they both are sooo sweet! Here is a picture of 4 of us, in our scrapping tiara's of coarse. :D



That is Natalie, our DT coord. for creativexpress, then Teri, Kristylee, and me! Archivers puts on a pretty fun crop.

Tuesday (again)

ok, I just got off work, from the night from hell!
I work as the nursing supervisor. My job is to place patients, this includes patients that are very very sick, need critical care, and yada yada. (I also do alot of helping, bedside nursing, but I do not count as staff, I am kind like a float, help where I am needed)

anyway. Last night we were full in critical care. We have 3 units. cornary care unit, intensive care unit (neuro, and trauma) and medical intensive care.
We were full. So, I had to figure out what to do with new critical patients that may come in. You see, we have a no divert policy- which like last night, is total crap. Imean, when do you call it done?

I transferred out 5 patients to "I" beds--which means intermediate beds, 3 patients to each nurse. Critical care is 2 patients to each nurse, or if they are really bad, a one to one.

I transferred 5 patients. My personal opinion is 3 of those patients should have stayed where they were. (hey, I am just a nurse, what do I know). I think the patients I admitted to critical care were not as sick as the ones I transferred out. Ugg.
Now, I think no divert is good at times;. I think patients should recieve care as quick as possible. But, if the facility can't handle them without being dangerous with someone else's life, I think we should take them in the ER, then fly them out to a facility that can take them.
I wish senior management saw it that way. sigh.

In other news- I really don't have much, lolol
I am going to SLC this weekend for a crop-- I can't wait! I am going to meet my long time internet friend Teri (terishere) and Jen Gallegher too. and I will see a few ones I have met-- Kara Henry, Kristi lee, oh how fun!

It's kind of lonely here now. Daisey is gone. Dh is in califronia putting in some tile for his sister. (we had a big fight before he left, and I told him to think about what he wanted from this relationship while he is gone-sigh) ds is at my sisters, so I have my poor little peaches, who doesn't understand why she is left alone at night while I go to work.

The thing with dh, not ready to share, but we have problems- I want to go to some counciling, but it seems I am the one with the problem, therefore, he will not go. (ok, whatever)
Life is hard.
I love it, and hate it at the same time.
ok, don't worry about me, I will be ok. I am going to finish my glass of wine (ok, I am a wine-o, lol, but deserve it after my night) and then go to bed. Probably do it all over again at work, then I will be off for 8 glorious days, where I won't have to do anything I don't want to!! (well, except buy some new school clothes for ds, lol)
more later.

Blog Challenge 5. A Letter

This is a letter to my ds, who was feeling guilty over the death of our dog Daisey. He was the one who closed the car door after she jumped in. He thought dh was taking her for a ride. :(

My Dearest Bradley,
It is not your fault daisey died. She knows you loved her, she knows we all loved her, and that we would never do anything on purpose to hurt her. You asked me If I thought Daisey forgived you for closing the car door. There is nothing to forgive. She knows you didn't know how it could hurt her. She loved you very much.
Sometimes mommy and daddy talk about how daisey felt, or what we should have done, and I want you to know, we don't do it to make you feel guilty, we do it because WE feel guilty. we feel like it is our fault. It was no ones fault, but that does not help our feelings sometimes.

You will be old enough to understand someday, I just pray this whole incident doesn't make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. Just know it was a horrible accident, and I think all of us will be more aware of where our pets are at all times from now on. We love you honey, and I don't want you to feel bad. Love, mommy.

Tuesday

well, I am making n appointment with the Dr. in the morning. I have reached a level of depression that I have not known before, and I am ot likeing it. The thing is, I am still functioning, and I KNOW it can get much worse!!!

DH and I had a huge, and I mean huge fight. He is going to california to do some work for his sister (not what the fight was about) and left this am. I have given him the cold shoulder for 2 days, and was glad to see him go. how sad is that?
I do love him, I just don't like him lately. I told him to rethink his life while he was out there, and I would do the same. (I am heartless when i am pissed)

Anyway, it is not just that. It is the whole daisey thing, it is how I really don't like my job right now (although going back to work sounds better than staying home right now) and it is me.

Truly depressing blog, lololol.

OK, on the better side of things-- I did send off my entry to MMM. Postmarked yesterday- so we will see. I don't expect to win, but I would love for my wish layout to get picked up so I get it back, I really loved it! Most the time, you do a layout for these contests, love the layouts, send them off, then hate the layouts, and wish for a redo. But not that layout, I still love it!!! (insert smiley face here)
So I have had the last 3 days to scrap, and have just sat around watching TV. boring. haven't felt like scrapping either. I have 1 more day off, and I will scrap, if it kills me!
My sister is going to take ds on the 6th for a couple of weeks, so I will be alone. dh does not come home until the end of the month.
I have been invited to a crop in salt lake city, and I happen to have that weekend off! I will get to meet my good friend from CX dt Teri (terishere) and meet up with a couple of other girls on the team that I cropped with in april. I think I will be going if ds goes to my sisters house.

OK, well, I am going to bed, ds is whining to be tucked in. :D I love he still needs that.

Long day at work

Well, I woke up late--had to be to a class by 730 am, and didn't get up until 10 till 7. UGG! No shower, ran got my clothes on and out the door. I had to go to TNCC today, Trauma Nurse Core Course. It's actually a fun coarse, but 8 1/2 hours in a class, makes a long day.
So I have so much to do. I want to finish up a layout, but don't feel like it, I need to get moving as it was going to be one for MMM if I even end up entering, lol we will see.

Ds is obsessed with computer games all of a sudden. I had to put a 2 hour limit on his playing, or he would spend all day on it. He has been getting a little chunky--probably due to that thing! he is screaming now that something is wrong with it, so I better go see, lol

Soooo, what's happening here?

First night back to work

so it is 230 am right now, I am on my break. I have been thinking of my poor daisey all night, and couldn't eat dinner. Well, I did have a few crackers and cheese over on 2 center.
Pretty busy in the hospital tonight, quite a few admissions. Nothing majorly exciting though, lol.
I just learned one of my co-workers may have M.S. I so hope not. she goes in for a lumbar puncture next week. Say a prayer for Amy, will ya?
I hate first nights back because I get so tired! I just want a nap right now.

So, I bought a new car that was a salvage, and they delivered it today to my dads. It is pretty clean, it's a 2008 ford escape. It has some right and left fender bumber dammage, and needs a new axal, and door. It cost me 14,000 for the car, and I will put in about 3,000 in parts and labor. so for 17,000 I have a new vechicle that retails for 28,000. not to bad. It only has 4,000 miles on it. My dad is getting it fixed, and it should be done by the end of next week. I need to sale my pt cruiser-- anyone want one? 2001 black with only 25,000 miles on it for the low price of 5,000. I just want to get rid of it. It books out for about 6600.00. Has a moonroof, power everything, leather seats. email me! or leave a comment here if your interested. :D

blog challenge

ok, thought I would participate in the blog challenges at scrapbook playground. here is the 1st. (well, it actually thier 3rd, my first, lol)

Blog about 15 things that you LOVE right now. They don't have to be things you have always loved (but that's not to say they can't) but try and include things that reflect where you are in your life right now and what you are truly enjoying and passionate about. If you need an additional challenge try taking one or two things, or perhaps the whole list and scrapbook them.

ok, this is really hard right now, because there is not a whole lot about life I am loving right now. but I will give it a go.

1. my dh
2. my ds
3. my dog peaches
4. my parents
5. the rest of my family.
6. scrapbooking
7. My design teams
8. rice cracker mix from sam's club. :D
9. my town- even though dh hates it.
10. my internet. :D
11. shopping- always makes me feel better
12. Getting a pedicure!
13. the fresh feeling after you had a shower, legs shaven, hair blows dry perfect, and you feel good in your clothes.
14. losing weight
15. when I have acomplished something I have put off for a long time- love that feeling!

ok, I don't think I need the additional challenge, lol.

Sizzix Sale

http://www.creativexpress.com is having a sizzix sale. They will no longer be selling sizzix, so as of sept. 24, they will be off the site! So they are blowing them out! Here is just a sample of what you can get them for.

And that information is:
Sizzlit alphabets $38.61 (They get cheaper in a Build a Kit too)
Sizzlit sets of 4 and borders $4.86 - $5.15
Steel Rule dies $2.43 - $3.86Alphabar #'s $7
Alphabar Alphabets $20 (Ransom is $25)
Embossing Folders $1.74 (I recently heard of using these as gift tags. Best use I ever heard of.)

Really kind of a hard day for me.

dh left for gunnison to finish a job. Brad had a friend over. I spent the day going through old papers looking for the pink slip (why do they call them that anyway?) to the PT Cruiser. I could not find it anywhere!!!! I want to sell it ASAP, I just cannot bring it back to this house.

So, I think I must save every friken paper I get in the mail. what a pack rat I am. I mean, I am goinjg through stuff since year 1997. I decided while I was at it, I would get rid of it. Well, all of it had personal info on it. I thought about putting it all in a pile, and setting it on fire, lol. But NOoooooo, I spent 3 hours rippping it all to shreds.

I bought a paper shredder a few years ago with the intention of getting rid of all this crap. It was a cheap one, and I think I paid 40 bucks for it. It didn't last but maybe 100 sheets, then poped out. ripoff. So I ripped all this stuff up today, being ever so careful there were no numbers, bank info, etc. if there was, I tor it and tore it agaijn. Man my aching fingers!!!!

So, I go to sams club tonite, and back in the clearance section is this heavy duty shredder!! arugggggg! regularly about 129.00, marked out for 50 bucks. I bought it. I figure I will need to shread again, lol.

I have been thinking of daisey an awful lot today. all the whys, and ifs, I need to stop that! anyone have any suggestions?? I know there are people way worse off than I, that have lost loved ones, and internet aquaintance just last night lost her mother. I feel so bad for her.

Why does grieving make you think about other things in your life? I mean, it really does, and lets you know how fragile it really is. Life is soo so short in the grand scheme of things. Yesterday I was 20, tomorrow I will be 60. Blink of an eye. I want to do so much, yet I don't want to do anything. Ever feel that way?

ok, getting to deep- going to go watch bones on tv. :p

Home

uneventful trip home, except we had a tire blow out. ok, 138.00 later, we were back on the road. Stopped at the park, and again in green river.
So, a 6 hour trip took us 8 1/2 hours, lol.

Today was spent unpacking, laundry, shopping, and scrapping. I recieved a kit in the mail from 2daisies for their design team tryout. It was due the 19th! ok, this is the 19th, lol. So I did do a page, and a mini book word bloom, but I haven't finished it yet. Still have the journaling.
so now, I still have that to do tomorrow, gotta go to sam's, and return mom and dad's car.
I really don't want to pick up the cruiser, I think I will leave it over there.

So dh is having a hard time. I hate that he won't share his grief. He says he is fine, but then talks about how he has to get out of here. really makes me even more down.
He is leaving tomorrow to finish a job in gunnison. Maybe he needs the space, I dunno.

I have a ton to do before going back to work, thank goodness Tiffany is going to work for me tomorrow--one extra day for me, yeah!

Just bought the movie Premonition with sandra bulluck-- strange movie. hmmm, jury's still out on this one.

ok, well, maybe I can write more later- gonna finish this movie, then off to bed.

Vacation day 7

OK, this really ticks me off. I am sitting here at starbucks in mesquite, and it appears they have now started charging for internet!!!! What happened to free internet for users?





So I am writing this in word pad, and will upload it later. harumph!!!
so it appears casa blanca is not as lucky for me as the virgin was, I lost 100.00 last night. makes me mad I didn't pack it up sooner, but oh well, they will not get the money I won, they wont!
On the way here it was kind of funny. This guy comes blazing past us with cop lights and sirens-- making everyone pull over so he could pass. He was in a red F250 truck that said UTAH highway patrol. um, why is utah running code 3 thru nevada? So dh starts following him, doing about 90 miles an hour, and this guy clears the path, lol. so there we are driving a long, keeping up, and all of a sudden he slows down and pulls over to the right lane. Starts waving John to pull over. John is like-- no way, I am not gonna pass this guy, lol. so he sticks his head out the window, and yells pull over. DH shakes his head no. so he gives us the hand stop sign, and yells SLOW DOWN!!!! and takes off again, speeding up to 90-100 mph. I told john to hang back do the speed limit, the guy will probably call the nevada highway patrol on us, and try and give us a ticket. So we watch him, and he continues on his way, going code 3. then we can't see him anymore. About 10 miles up the road, there he is, HE was pulled over by the Nevada highway patrol!!! Laughing my ass off, should have seen this guy trying to talk his way out of a ticket. We just waved as we went by. ohhhhh, the sweet satisifaction we felt on that one!!!!
virgin river, but I think the attitudes go with it, lol. Virgin river just has a more homey feel to it. plus I seem to win over there. I think I will stay there next time even if the rooms are not quite as nice. I feel like riff raff here, lololol.
Speaking of riff raff, my bil and sil are very up-peaty. I mean love them dearly, but bil seems like his s)*% don't stink when it comes to other people. They have money, like the finer things in life, and were very hospitiable to us, but I also felt like I couldn't leave anything out. They had some friends over on the last night we were there for dinner. VERY NICE people. they used to be neighbors. bil kept putting down the guy, and he would do it as a joke, but I mean, it really was excessive. I thought, no wonder these people don't come to visit often. I was talking to the lady Joy, sweet lady. she said they sold at the wrong time, their house used to be next door. they sold about 10 years ago for 200,000. Their old house is on the market now, as the people are going thru a divorce, and it is "offered" for 889,000. Not only that, it is listed CHEAP for a qauick sale. They are still kicking theirselves over that one. lol.
Anyway, they don't have alot of money, are just average folks, and I just got the feeling bil let him know it when ever he could. BUT on the good side, bil is very knowledge about finances and such. he is going to hlep us with some long term investments with annunities and such. I have a old retirement just sitting there not making any money cause I don't work for the place anymore, so they won't administer the account. bil said he would do it for me. that is his job, securities, and insurance, etc. so maybe he can help me make it grow. :D He also said people make a mistake when they sit on equity in there house. He said if you take out a low interest load, or refinance pulling out all the equity (only if you plan on NOT moving for awhile) you should buy an annunity with the equity for your house. it is compounded daily, and you can get more interest off the annunity long term than you will pay on the long term loan. In 12 years, your money will be doubled, and you can pay off your house, or what ever then. That seems a little more risky to me, and will have to check it out before we do anything like that, but the cocept and the way he explained it sounds great. uh, but he is a salesman, lol.
ok, dh is up and around, so I guess I will save this, and upload later. it is 830 am nevada time, and I am thinking I already need a nap, lol

went to seaworld yesterday

dh for some reason loves that place. I can take it or leave it. I guess If I am going to spend 50 bucks for a theme park, I want the thrill rides, not the shows, lol.

So we went, got wet from shamu, petted the dolphins, yada yada. Brad liked it. But of coarse he wanted to do the arcade games that were 5 bucks a pop-- we did a couple and wond a stuffed dolphin, and a stuffed shamu.
Today, we went to breakfast at a mexican resturant bil raves about. It was ehhh--ok, maybe I just wasn't very hungry.

I haven't taken a ton of pictures this vacation, I am trying though. I have the camera sitting next to me, so hopefully I will get a few shots in, lol.

We decided to leave monday instead of tuesday, and spend 2 nights in mesquite instead of 1. I always feel rushed when we do 1. We have 2 nights free, so why not? We are going to pick up my girlfriends dd on the way home from here sisters, and bring her back with us, so at least brad will have a playmate. She got to go parasailing yesterday--uh, I think I want to go to candy's house, and do that! :D








Here is a pic of ds on shamu, converted into fresco with PSP3.


Not much going on today, we got so much sun on thursday, I don't want to go back to the beach. I am afraid it will burn on our burns, lol. I would love to go shopping, but ds doesn't want to get out of the pool, and I can't leave him here, so here I sit. I am in the shade with 30 sunblock on. Funny, 20 years ago it was all about the tan. loved to lay out for HOURS using baby oil as tanning oil. Not now, I could care less, I guess I figure I can use the lotion tanning, lol

I do miss scrapbooking, I think I will look up a store, and maybe venture out and buy something, lol

Vacation day 4

today we went to breakfast at a beachside denn's, lol. It was really nive, they do have good breakfasts! Then we went to crystal cove beach. Now this beach is a beautiful beach, hardley anyone goes to it, which is nice, we don't have to fight the crowds. BUT-- there is a lways a but. You have to hike a freaken mile to get to it!!!!

I know it is good for me, but man I hate going to this beach because of this. I don't mean a hike on flat land either, you take a wodden trail half way,then you take a dirt trail down the mountainside, then steps that are super super steep to get to the beach. dirt steps with the wood log type thing, and cable holding them kind of steps. Going down isn't so bad, but coming up? yeah, I was winded, lol.

so, once you get dh to the beach, you can't get him off. I am burnt to a crisp because of my lily white skin, even though I applied 30 spf sunblock every 30 minutes or more. I guess it could have been worse, lol

Tomorrow, we are going to sea world, so I will let ya know how it goes.

OH, and we get back to BIL's house, and yikes!!!! He left at 7am, so I know it was us, or rather ds, but the jacuzzi was completely drained!!! it connects to the pool, I have no idea what lever ds flipped, but I think bil is going to flip, lol. John is trying to fill it with a hose right now, I am sure there is a way to turn on the water for the pool to do it faster, but we don't know how. I don't even know where all the water went-- the pool doesn't look any fuller, and I don't see a bunch of water anywhere? don't know.

vacation day 3

today I had to take the car over to a local ford dealer to get the air cond. fixed. It worked part of the time on the way here, but then would go out. man--it got hot-- 113 outside, and here we are with no air. I told dh, well, now we kind of know what daisey felt like. :(.
We bought some spray bottles to spray ourselfs down with, and that helped.
So of coarse, it is working fine when I take it to the dealer. I got a cheap little ford focus rental car from enterprise.

Let me tell you a little something about them. They didn't even bother vacuuming out the car from the previous renters. There were cigarette burns in the seats, and crumbs all over the seat, and drive stick. It reeked of cheap mens colone, and made me sick driving it back to bil's house. Man, can't they even gvie them a fast wash job in between customers? really irritates me.

So, I didn't tell, but when we stayed in mesquite night before last, I went down to the bar. I thought, I will have one glass of wine, to wind down, and play 20 bucks on the video poker machine. I get there, and someone had just won the royal flush. I thought-- oh well, it's not like I am going to win anyway, so I sat down, and started playing.

dh had taken brad to the pool, so there i am, and I was winning alot of little hands, like a couple of full houses, worth 40 coins, and putting it back in. I was there maybe 10-15 minutes, and.... I HIT A ROYAL!!!!! Yep, it paid again. I let a scream out, scared the guy sitting next to me, lol. So I won 1,040.00. If it is under 1200.00, you don't have to report it to the IRS-- which is good, because I am sure I have lost more than that over the years, lol.
I felt kind of eurphoric for mabye 10 minutes. then the heaviness of losing daisy settled right back in, and I was like, oh, big deal.

I hate this.

I am glad though, it will almost pay for this vacation when we are done. and one of the best parts too is we got the room free already, cause we came on a coupoun, and we have another coupoun to get a room free for on the way back~! :)

Today is just a day of sitting by the pool, watching brad swim. John went to go play golf with a friend of his out here, so, we are just relaxing. The maids are here cleaning the house, lol. oh the lap of luxury--people actually live this way. I tell you, sil and bil house looks like a model home, professionally decorated, and very clean. Nothing like my house, but I sure would like to be able to acheive this look.

Marble counters and floors, faux painted walls with beautiful art work on them, beautiful furnature that looks like it will last a long time. You get what you pay for I guess. I think I need to take some pictures just to show you what I mean, lol.

My house looks to plain and lived in I guess.

Anyway, I think I will put my suit on, and take a swim, so, more later.

Vacation

well, yesterday we started vacation. It is supposed to be a fun time for us to spend time together, and have a good time, but there is this cloud hanging over us. It is hard to have a good time when you are greiving.

Then I am having all these anger issues. I am so mad at my baby boy Brad, and I don't know what to do about it. You see, it seems he shut the door on the car, and then forgot daisey was in there. I know he thought dh was going to take her, and I KNOW he would never hurt her on purpose, but his thoughtlessness cost her her life.

We are very careful not to blame him. I don't want my 9 year old to go through life with that kind of guilt. I told him I know he would not hurt her on purpose, and it was a horrible accident. I really hope this teaches him to think about his actions. I love him so much, yet I am finding my self having feelings of anger. I hope this is just part of the griveing process, and I am very careful what I say around him.

There are so many what-ifs too. There is no sense in thinking about them, it won't change any thing. I just wish I could get them out of my head.

I havent taken a single picture of anything so far. I will regret it if I don't maybe I should pull the camera out now.

We are at BIL's house, I still need to unpack, so more later.

Does this blog seem kind of dark to you? I guess that is just the way I am feeling, hopefully the sun will shine tomorrow.